I haven’t had much to say the last little bit, have I? Been mighty quiet. I realize it is because I don’t believe I should speak, I don’t really know anything. I got into an interesting discussion with a friend about the word ‘regime’ and how the connotation changes, depending on how it is pronounced. Well, I was kinda wrong and I was kinda right. Yes, correct and incorrect both. In my historical environment, I have used and heard used this word two ways. When pronounced a’ la mode Francaise, as the Americans pronounce it (incorrectly, reh-ji-may’) it means in English only ‘a regular method’ or ‘daily habit’, as in the correct word ‘regimen’. When pronounced reh-zjeem, it indicates more – example, a government or system of government. Regime DOES also mean regimen, so, I am sorta correct and sorta incorrect.
This is my point about not believing I should speak. I don’t have the sort of education in English that I need to feel confident. I am a fraud. My breasts come from the silicone factory, my hair from the Alpaca farm? haha. I go through a series of doubt potholes at times and realize that Margaret Atwood isn’t interested in listening to my drivel. My poetry sings like flatulence, my prose leads nowhere. Someone, inevitably will call me out on my rough edges. I sit and stew in the juice of the lower class. Oooops. “Don’t git above yer raisn” resounds loud and clear at times and I recuse myself from the world of literature, even from the world of internet blogging. (Are the two related at all? …hard to say.)
I had a very painful exchange with my younger brother once that has kept itself at the edges of my conscious mind. I haven’t let go of it these many years since. We were discussing a poem and I was pontificating on it’s meaning, it’s intent. After things got a little heated and he became frustrated in the attempt to repair my opinion, he shouted, “But I HAVE BEEN TO COLLEGE! I KNOW!” Well, then. Shut me down. I have not been to college…
When the light shines, as it so rarely does, I awake to my poetry/singing/musicianship as after a ten-week drinking and cocaine binge. I wake up, look around the trashed apartment, notice two dead bodies and an empty cheque-book. It’s then that I usually say, “What the hell have I done!” and retreat from the creative world.
That’s my situation at the moment. I have become alert, however briefly it may be and I read through what was recently put to paper (pixel). Oops. My bad. Sorry. No, I didn’t finish college. My critical thinking, planning, execution are all out of whack. So, I rest. In a day or week or so, I will return with fresh illusions. My blinders will be on and I can continue. Today? Well, today I will go have a glass of wine with friends and forget about being useless for a while…maybe, I can repair the kitchen lights for someone. Hm.
Robert On The Air 