I start each day with a variation on the following statement: “One of the worst things about getting older is…”. After that opening, I just fill in the blank. I am boring myself with it. On we go. When my mother was in her forties, she complained about the arthritis and I didn’t believe her. Now that arthritis is a major factor, being in most areas of my structure, I understand. Oooops, sorry for the unvoiced dismissal of your situation, Mom. I don’t want to believe that stiffness is getting in the way of piano and guitar playing. I would rather put that down to a lack of regular, efficient practice. Well, the lack of practice IS the bigger factor but arthritis is also making a difference in my flexibility, agility. No doubt about it. So, in hindsight, I apologize for not fully recognizing another’s suffering or my own. Again, sorry, Mom.
I am a dismissive sort. Yesterday, I was outside doing a bit of minor landscaping. Within minutes of starting, my back went out. I spent the rest of the evening and all night flat on my back. It was a very minor task that put me out of commition. I did a bit of hoeing and within seconds was nearly doubled over. Of course, I dismissed the fact that I have had a chronic back problem since I seriously injured myself at age 25. I put my struggles down to obesity and an extremely sedentary lifestyle. Well, yes… I am obese and sedentary. I also have a damaged back that rears it’s ugly head at the most inconvenient times. I cannot now deny it. No, I probably won’t surrender to my easy chair, the way Mom eventually did but I will likely struggle to recognize my affliction and accept it.
Recognizing and accepting limitations is a difficult thing to do. I feel as though I am ‘coddling’ myself when I admit there are things I cannot do. I think I am taking the easy way out and not trying hard enough. Hmmm. Funny that this attitude permeates my living. If I can’t sing a G#4, then I blame my untrained voice. I accuse myself of weakness, sloth, what have you. Well, I have only a bit of training and I don’t work as hard as many do but I am just not a tenor. My vocal cords will NOT produce sound reliably at that pitch. Ain’t happenin’ without the help of Helium. I envy those who can easily sail right up there but I am not one of them. That said, G#4 is not necessary for me to be a good singer. I am cool with my little baritone. I am beginning to appreciate it and what it can be. I will capo the guitar up three half steps and sing down the octave! Hah! Fie on you, Freddy Mercury! I am going to go with my strengths on this one. I will see you, at times, a perfect fifth away…haha. Somebody has to do harmony! Don’t fry yourself! Do you have enough oxygen up there?
I am limited in so many ways, friends. Are we all in this shape? Yeah, I guess. The shape is different but we are all facing limits. The adage, “You can do anything you put your mind too,” is only true in a sense. You CAN do anything, if you realize that what your mind pictures, is not exactly what is going to happen. Yeah, reach for it, try for it, work hard for it but accept that what you will get is what you are capable of, not always what you believe you have earned. You will be capable of what you are capable of for all the reasons. The reasons that make you individual. They are not negatives, they are evidence of uniqueness. You, I, am not/are not bad at being people because we have a bad back or can’t hit G#4. We is okay.
The idea floating these days that people shouldn’t be given a prize just for showing up and trying is faulty. That we only get out what we put in is a blurred statement, only partly true. I struggle daily to toss that crap on the heap. Yes, I should be recognized (at the least, by myself) for my efforts. My name belongs in the list of chorus members, right up there with the rest. I am not excellent but I am making an effort. Excellence is not the be and end of all. Excellence is lovely but it isn’t perfection, it isn’t the way things MUST be.
If you don’t achieve excellence, you are not – as in the paraphrased meaning of the words of Barbara Streisand – wasting your life, being unworthy, taking up valuable space. Sure, you should try. It’s probably best to go for everything you desire in life. Excellence is a nice thing but the love of excellence over any and all else is the root of evil. The love of it…the love of money…etc. Is what causes all the problems. We can’t have all the money, all the excellence in exactly the way we desire it. That is a misconception. Chillax, enjoy what you can do without destroying yourself or others. That is what our time here is about, enjoying it. You want a boyfriend? Say hello to the good lookin’ guys. You want to sing? Sing. Go join a chorus or step into the shower. Work as hard at it as you can. Enjoy the work. It is just that easy to enjoy life. If you can’t hoe much in the back yard…‘sokay. Hoe what you can and sit down a while. If you never hit the G#4, hit the G#3 and call ‘er good. If you want a damn bagel, have the bagel and don’t fret about the fact you are fat. Fat people are good people. G#3 is a good note. Life is good. A little bit of hoe is in each of us and it is good.
Gosh, I need to lose weight…
Robert On The Air 