There are things I wonder about, don’t know about but don’t get concerned enough about. I don’t do the necessary research. I satisfy myself with my own idea and go on to the next item on my daily list. Today, I wondered about the trees again. They are high on my curiousity agenda. They figure in my poetry almost as if I were Joyce Kilmer (hahahahahahah) “…I think that I shall never see, a thing so lovely as a tree…”
I was just wondering if the winter wind or breezes in general keep the trees flexible? Maybe the constant movement is good for their ‘wood arthritis’? The doctor tells me I should keep moving and I was just curious. It seems certain that if I were holding my arms up all day, every day, my body would seize up completely. That is why I think the wind movement must be good for trees. Now, I am worried. Maybe I have done harm by trying to protect my cedars. I wrapped my two little trees with burlap so that the snow doesn’t make them bend too far and snap. I worried that their sweet little tiny branches would snap like a twig, eventually. Get it? …snap like a twig? Hahahahaha. I am so funny. Anyway, I will be satisfied, thinking that a tree feels the burn when the wind blows. Maybe they drink celery juice through their veins?
Does a squirrel feel the blood rush to his head when it is upside down in the tree? I would for sure. It would feel as though my head were twice the size and I wouldn’t be able to breathe. It is possible that hanging upside down makes the squirrels move so jumpy-like. They twitch because the blood has gone to their heads. It makes me nervous, just to watch them. When I get nervous, I need a beer to calm me down. No beer. I was nervous the other day, because of the police following me and I finished them all. I will have to go outside and grab the squirrel to set him upright or I will have to start baking something to calm my nerves, that works, too.
My neighbour is going out for coffee. He does that on Sunday mornings. He took his skinny legs and his light-footed walk out to his man-truck and drove away. He has remote start for his truck and when there is snow, he starts it up from inside the house. He didn’t do that just now, he got in and started it up. He has a nice beard. When Covid first hit, he didn’t shave or trim for a while and started to look like Rip Van Winkle’s brother, Joe. It was nice. On those days, I watched his beard wiggle in the wind as he walked out to his truck and took off. There is so much lovely in the world. Now, his wife is pregnant (Covid captivity?) and he shaved down to a little sexy beard. He just came back. He forgot his wallet, I guess. Now he is gone again. That was quick.
There are drops of water on the tree that is between my house and my neighbour’s driveway (where he just left from). They are almost thick droplets and dangle from the branches. It looks as though someone didn’t take the Christmas tree down yet. They started the work, because there is no garland or lights, but they didn’t finish. That would be me. I put stuff off a lot. I don’t do all my work. I get easily distracted by figuring things out and being curious but not curious enough to find out the facts. This has been my way, all through life. It is written in the comments section of my first-grade report card. It says: “Robert has a tendency to procrastinate but is otherwise only moderately evil…he didn’t bend the crayons this time.”
I made that last part up a little bit but it was true, sort of. I was bending crayons with my mind (I warmed them in my hand) and entertaining kids one day when I was very young. I was in Kindergarten and enjoying the day. I started by throwing erasers at the other boys and girls. What fun! When the black felt erasers hit, the chalk dust flew up and there was lots of screaming! A total blast of excitement for me until I was captured. Mrs. Trull made me go sit in the ‘quiet place’ and colour as punishment. While I was colouring, she read a story about the Trolls that lived under the bridge. I mentioned the similarities between her sur-name and the Trolls’ sur-name. She wasn’t happy. That’s when I demonstrated my psychic skills for the other children and Mrs. Trull demonstrated her tenuous connection with being calm, cool and collected. Whew! I thought I was a goner, that time!
I am not a goner. Not yet. I wasn’t then and I am not today. I am a fatter and a broker and an older, but I am not a goner. I have been trying to bend when the wind blows, so that my arthritis doesn’t get too bad. I will leave the squirrels to their own way of hanging about and stop worrying. I might be a little nervous but I won’t be drinking beer because I drank the beer. I might bake something, though. Yeah. That won’t be helpful if I want to be skinny, like my neighbour. I have been trying not to be too obviously curious about what my neighbour is up to, so that I don’t get sent to the ‘quiet place’ and have to bend crayons with my mind again.
Robert On The Air 