March 15, 2021

Lots of noise at the ranch, these days. Don’t know why? My pipes rattle, the ductwork creaks and groans, I hear loud thumping all the time. What gives? Was an entire family disposed of indelicately on the premises a while ago? Maybe a drug cartel arranged the hit and it took some time for the police to clean it all up so that the previous owner could dump the place on the market. Maybe it’s that folks have come back to warn of something. “What is it Lassie? What is it girl? Thump your tail once for ‘get out, now!’, thump twice and give us a little bark to say all is well.”

I know that my ears are not improving. I have to turn the tv up loud in order to hear the tires screaming and the bullets being shot and the zippers going up and down, yet, with all of the noise, I hear myself making water? Hm. I was hitting the porcelain and the tiny ‘tink, tink, tink’ was clear as could be. I even heard it over the tinnitus (a constantly increasing din, btw). My impression is that a tiny tinkling would be drowned out by all the other noise, but no. Hm.

Just as Trump disappears, the ghosts of a mysterious past show up. Or, maybe, the noise is a sink hole preparing to sweep me and my lovely things down and out into the great lake. Maybe that is the creaking and the groaning. Maybe Toledo has turned on the pumps in order to fill the Nestle’ plastic bottles with a green algae and a couple Canadian chests of drawers? Maybe Fermi has come on-line again and started the damn magnetism up. I notice the glow across the lake from time to time. That is probably what is happening. I am almost certain of it, since my heat pipes are clanking, straining, bending and leaning a bit southwest. Of course, the noise could be caused by television and cell phone transmitters. Five G means no good, nossir. I sure hope the junk I can’t get rid of disappears along with everything else. Do you happen to need a slightly used toilet? (no warranty expressed or implied whether this device was involved in any sort of crime scene)