Beer

October 27, 2021

Funny stuff today… I saw a very incommunicado-looking truck pull up to the beer store. It was a stealthy approach, as though it were actually a Brinks truck in disguise. No, it wasn’t a Brinks truck, it was a ‘Blue’ truck sneaking up to deliver valued cargo. This is Canada and a beer truck needs not announce itself, for safety’s sake. There have been hijackings. I remember the great ‘Moosehead’ robbery on the east coast some time back. They never did recover the load or discover who stole many thousands of dollars worth of the liquid. We have our suspicions but no facts to back them up. Somewhere, maybe in Newfoundland and Labrador, they are still enjoying a free brew. Down the shed, they are not fixing fishing nets but watching some hockey on the portable tv and drinking a surreptitious cold one.

Speaking of cold ones, it’s chilly but finally sunny again. Times have changed, the earth has tipped away from the sun up here, near the 42nd. I find that interesting, if you were standing at the centre of earth and looking upward at approximately 45 degrees from the horizontal, you would be looking at a lot of Canada. You would be hot as hell and thinking how nice all the ice and snow would be, right about then. Maybe you would be laughing about some old skit from way back that involves Doug and Bob MacKenzie. “Oh, those Canucks,” you might say. Would diablo be sitting there. enthroned, with his tail curling around? Maybe the great red one would be roasting marshmallows on the prongs? Nah. I hear he is actually slithering around on his belly, watching out for women’s stilletto shoes and behaving himself. Now, I am wondering why we got this idea of Hell being below? Must be from the Bible again. Darn book. …and how did they figure out it was hot down there, did they watch a volcano and put two and two together?

The Bible. Did God really say, ‘Hey, write this down’? Maybe He used a machine like the one that Margaret Atwood invented. It writes what you write, only it does it four thousand miles away. Or, do you think He put people in a trance and pushed their hands back and forth? Maybe folks just imagined it was happening and actually wrote their own thoughts. Beer and wine and wacky tabaccy were all over the Middle East by then. Even Jesus, himself had a drop for his rheumatism or a glass ‘with supper’. With all that It would be easy for someone to get a ‘little TOO high’ and think that God was speaking to them when the television got too loud. Happens to me all the time. Or, were Paul and Peter and Mark and Luke and John just making stuff up? If they were and he could prove it, my Dad would say, “They are talking out of their asses!” He would say that adamantly.

I hear Mary Magdelene wrote a book for the Bible, too but some pages got lost, so they didn’t go to press with it. The whole thing makes me suspicious, I think the committee screwed up. Yes, the committee. It was earthly and political. An f’ing committee made the decision about what was and wasn’t God’s word and they made the decisions about 300 years after Jesus had died. By that time, all the principals were also dead so nobody could argue about stuff and/or keep it out of print. It was like Nixon and Watergate and Deep Throat. Now, we are some couple of thousand years further on and, after several reviews, changes and translations — we have the literal word of God to follow? yeah, right. I think I will just go on being a homo until I get some better proof that God ain’t down with that.

As far as being a homo goes, it has been a pretty dry spell. Darn. I know my aunt doesn’t like me to talk like that but, hey. It is what I is. Yeah, it’s thin out there these days. The pickings could be better if I didn’t have an ‘affinity’ for cherry pie and ice cream. That stuff is making me fat as heck. The not getting exercise situation is keeping me where cherry pie put me, too. I see lots of potential in the everyday world around me but those handsome young things are looking elsewhere. Sigh. I did see a fellow at the beer store who is a sort of possibility. He is very chatty and personable. I save up empties and take them back, one at a time, so that I can chat more often. It helps to have a good excuse. Returning empties is better than keeping on buying more. He could get suspicious, I suppose, if I come back to his kiosk every day with just the one bottle. Gonna have to step up my game. Anyway, that’s my story about the beer truck at the beer store….