Bleah…

April 25, 2022

A dreary, chilly rain day today. I got my groceries, produce, fruit and the like. The young feller at Carl’s Produce had an odd look today, his hair was like Don King’s. I can see he is a handsome cuss underneath that shock of hair. I like the way shock works in this sentence, it has two meanings. His hair (being like King’s) is a bit of a shock and it resembles corn shocks. He was in a chatty mood and made some fun small talk about me ‘not having too many wild parties’. My first instinct was to say, “Well, I am an old man and I have a limited number of orgasms left. I have to make sure each one counts. Do you want to have a wild party and share one with me?” I am almost of an age that I could get away with that but still a few years away. As I reflect on that, I am realizing that it would make a good line in something I was writing. Maybe I could work it into ‘Dead Batteries’ at some point?

Writing waits for me, the guitar waits for me, the piano waits for me. The instruments are lonely machines and long for human touch. I am a poor companion, having many more things to do than practice or play. My neurosis keep me from the typewriter keyboard, so writing and completed books are lonely for human touch as well. I am sure that other musician/writers feel as I do about their abilities and delay the exercise of same. There are some who have healthy egos and clear assessment skills. Those who do can accept their imperfections and promote the skill that they do have. We unhealthy ego kids just shrink back from the keys or the strings. Maybe the same goes for sports folk? I don’t know. I am wandering, lost, unfocused.

I am wandering from thought to thought like those who crossed the desert a few thousand years ago. Banished, lost in the desert, camel free? Nah. I bet they had camels for the journey—- I hear that their shoes did not wear out and neither did their clothing. They must have been riding camels, then. I guess their forty years were according to a variation on the calendar we use today. It was a lunar calendar, best I can determine and had 12 months but with an extra month thrown in every two or three years to sort of catch-up with the sun. The lunar calendar had months of approximately 29 and a half days so things went off a little from time to time. Hence, the ‘lunisolar’ calendar came into being but that wasn’t the one Moses and co. were using… it didn’t develop until a long time after the wandering. Anyway, they gave up the wandering on November 1, according to a bible study website I perused. Since November 1 could occur on different days, then when the hell did they come in outta the heat?” But, as I say, I am wandering a little.

Interesting.

I guess the wandering ones had some complaints to air whilst they were riding or walking. Mose-y probably had to listen to a lot of whining. I am whining today. It is a rainy day and I am not in the desert but I am whining anyway. I am whining because I had a chat with a city representative about the conditions next door. There is a rooming house being operated there and I am not happy. Folks come and go, cars block the laneway and there is a large trailer full of construction and other garbage that is just parked in front of the place. The guys don’t make a lot of noise, they don’t have record players or tvs, I guess. Thus far, no gunfire or unsavory women hanging around. Why am I complaining? I am complaining because it is illegal and I don’t like all the folks wandering out front or coming and going. That disturbs my peace. Too bad, I guess. The chat I had with the city guy was not encouraging. Basically, he said, “There is nothing we can do because when we knocked on the door or called the owner, no one responded”. So. There you have it. Rooming houses are illegal but it doesn’t matter, you can operate one as long as you don’t answer the door or the phone. I wish Moses were here to open his complaint department. He had connections. He could get things done.

It is a rainy day and stuff bothers me. The rain, I can deal with. There is nothing to do for rain but to carry an umbrella. No problem. The rooming house and garbage situations are insoluble, so I can ignore that. At least, I think I can. Maybe I can put up an illegal hedge that obscures the trailer? After all, it’s legal as long as I don’t answer the phone or the door. The wandering in the desert does trouble me though. I am off course and have been for a while. Divorce and getting fired from the church threw me a little. I lost my camel. My shoes are worn out and my clothes don’t fit anymore. Covid and the world’s governmental response to same have left me stranded, confused, lost. We were locked in, now we are unlocked but there was a heck of a lot of back and forth about how to proceed. No one wanted to commit to a plan and follow through because everyone was complaining. Even at this point I don’t have a clear idea what way is forward, what path is safe or if there even is a true safe.

and orgasms? Well, let me tell ya…