Oh my. The writer/singer/songwriter/guitar playin’/piano playin’ has come to an interesting point. In very recent days, my efforts at art have been remarked upon, spontaneously, by persons whose opinions I know I can trust. A singer, a great singer, a trained singer, a music knowledge person that I know very well – just up and spoke the complete truth about an audition I did that didn’t go as hoped. Ha. (I sucked. It was interesting though, I got a sort of smile from the adjudicator that reminded me of the rejection post card you get from the New Yorker ((at least the one I got)) – very correct, non-judgmental, kind but firm. ‘Don’t call us and we won’t call you.’) This friend with the solid voice noted what courage it took for me to audition in the first place, noted my mistakes in matter of fact tone and gave me honest encouragement in a delightful way…then, as almost a passing thought reminded me, “You sounded good.” I wasn’t great but I can trust that it sounded ok/ wasn’t an embarrassment anyway.
Then, a new friend read deeper into my website stuff than I ever expected or realized would happen and mentioned something from a blog post of a while ago. My style, my voice was mentioned. The offered idea that I should be more bold with my voice than I am now struck me. I think I understand voice in ways other than I did before. I used to think it was a thing you worked at, now I am not so sure. I think now that your voice is a thing you just have. Sure, it is influenced by what you see, hear, read but my fear that I don’t work at voice hard enough evaporated. It is there, someone else heard it.
So. Rather than being a failure, I realize that I am just getting started. I am a modern Tillie Olson, or Malvina Reynolds? At my advancing age, I am just getting started? at what I wished to do and honestly have been doing all along. Shit. Time is almost up and I finally figured this out. Gotta stop and think on that a bit. Yikes. All of this new knowledge means that I am free, sort of. I am out from under. Burden-less. I don’t have my favourite nay-speaker on my shoulder any more. He is gone, dead as the latest cousin, the latest dear friend. There’s no time for evaluation now, only time to do and so much is to do. Well,
elbows up,
shirtsleeves up and ‘awaaay we go’.
P.S. Tillie Olson was a writer whose career was sidelined a bit by life and family obligations. She wrote the most marvellous short piece called, ‘I Stand Here, Ironing’ and a book called, ‘Silences’ which centres on how women are often stepped over or set aside in the very male-dominated world of art. How they are expected to do other duties and the guilt they must deal with when their souls are art.
Malvina Reynolds was a woman who came to the folk music world, very late. I believe her first record was released when she was 70? or so. She walked up to Pete Seeger at a show he played and asked him how to get into folk music. He later revealed that his first impression was, ‘Lady, you are just too old’, then he heard her songs. She wrote ‘Little Boxes’ and ‘What Have They Done to the Rain’, look ‘em up.
Robert On The Air 